Shrewd Wit

Maybe It Wasn’t Attitude My book, What We Didn’t Get , began with a simple question: what happens to us when important emotional, developmental, or psychological needs are missing during childhood? Most people think of childhood needs in basic terms. Did you have food? Clothes? A place to live? Did someone make sure you went to school? Those things matter, of course, but children need much more than what keeps them physically alive. They need emotional safety, affection, encouragement, protection, patience, healthy boundaries, attention, play, and the freedom to make mistakes without feeling that one mistake defines who they are. When some of those things are missing, we do not simply leave childhood behind and become adults untouched by it. We carry parts of those experiences with us. That is one of the ideas I explore in What We Didn’t Get .  Have you ever looked at someone and wondered why they react the way they do? Why they become defensive so quickly, shut down during conflic...

  The Childhood Experiences We Carry Into Adulthood - And What They Can Teach Us Some childhood experiences are easy to remember. Others are much harder to identify. There may be no single dramatic event to point to. Instead, it can be a pattern: emotions that were dismissed, needs that were overlooked, instability at home, conflict that never seemed to end, or a child who learned very early that asking for help was not always safe. Years later, those experiences can still influence how a person understands relationships, stress, trust, learning, and even their own sense of worth. This is one reason developmental trauma and adverse childhood experiences have become increasingly important areas of education for parents, educators, communities, and professionals. But understanding childhood adversity is not about labeling people or blaming parents. It is about understanding how early environments can influence development — and what supportive relationships and environments can do i...